Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
How I Used to Judge "Those MLM Girls..." and Then I Became One
I am a wife, a mother, and a dog owner. I also work full time. Additionally, I direct, perform, and stage manage theater productions. For the most part, all of these things bring in money and contribute to my "family nest egg." We're a modern family--we split every arena of duties we have. This isn't right or wrong, it's just us. What I'm trying to say, none too eloquently, is that I don't need more money. I don't really need one more thing on my plate. And yet, I have CHOSEN to sell products through an MLM company. Let me tell you why.
1. I was desperately seeking an excuse to step outside my shell and feel I was ACTIVELY setting personal goals.
I am lazy. And I THRIVE on people helping me reach my full potential--school, weight watchers, corporate reviews, anywhere that I get feedback and feel I'm being "graded" by someone else, that is my JAM for succeeding and holding myself accountable. In my personalized business development, i.e. learning to be a good career person adult, I was really becoming stagnant. This venture (Perfectly Posh happens to be the one I'm doing for those interested) has given me a new sense of ambition. It's not just helping me make a few bucks, but I'm more conscientious about what I'm doing and where I'm going in OTHER aspects of my life...including my day job and my family life. Also, by doing this, I am finding personal satisfaction that has been missing for a long time because I set goals for ME and it's on me to achieve them or not. I'm hard pressed to think I'm the only person that has felt that way.
2. I admit...I wanted a few extra bucks. But I also wanted to re-find my passion. And I believe I have.
Full disclosure, I have never been a big fan of the MLM structure or what it seems to turn people into. There are a lot of people that take what used to be genuine friendships and turn them into "opportunities for business growth." Yuck. Do I still think this exists? Yes. But do I also think I was judging acquaintances too harshly? Absolutely. The fact is it's freaking HARD to put yourself out there. And even though I'm new, having given this a shot...I now admire these people that, just like any other job, are putting food on the table...or making a few extra bucks for a special family trip...or whatever reason they have to do what they're doing. They're putting themselves out there and TRYING. Additionally, it really is possible to just love something. Perfectly Posh is my MLM, as I mentioned, and I just happen to love lotion. That's it. I always have. And without coming off like another sales pitch this is just really good lotion. And so it's fun for me. I like it. And because it's just fun, the casual MLM environment allows me to do as much or as little as I want. And in a backwards way, this makes me more excited about it...to make whatever I do with my lotion hobby totally mine, and totally fun.
3. I wanted a break from the social media screen. Or more positive social media time, at least.
Obviously most MLMs these days live and die by the social media engagement of their "consultants," "reps," whatever you call them. So I'm NOT saying that I don't still check Facebook every day. But the difference in my interactions now is that they are more often than previously FOLLOWED UP with real life interaction. With people I like. And who doesn't want more of that? Also, "MLM girls" are not networks of stupid people. I churn inside to admit I used to believe that. But I did. And I now am ashamed about it. Because these MLMs networks are just like anywhere else on this green Earth--and it is full of dynamic, kind, interesting, and multi-faceted people I am LOVING getting to know. A few ditzy eggs? Obviously. Like ANYWHERE. And even the ditzy eggs, when you learn how to talk to them, are actually really incredible people also. And the MLM scene in general I realize isn't perfect. Like ANYTHING. So occasionally maybe a facebook post comes off just a little insincere, or that MLM friend you have sent one too many party requests. Woops. They're human. And maybe they have some things to work on as far as presentation or tactics. But in a world where 90% of social interaction happens through a screen, is someone being a little too outgoing and trying to be positive about what they're doing the WORST thing that could happen? I for one, especially given recent events, think Facebook especially could use a little more enthusiasm rather than negativity, even if it does come off cheesy.
4. I was screaming inside for female bond time.
Now, of course I value relationships far more than "the sale,"so I would NEVER want my friends to think I was always turning every conversation into a "networking opportunity." Like I said, I can't account for all MLM people out there, but I can account for me. And for me, the irony of that "sales friend" stereotype is I ultimately got into this for the exact OPPOSITE reason. My main motive is to have a reason to see my friends. Touch base with old ones. Or make new ones. Do you know how much easier it is to get to know people when you have something concrete and straightforward to talk about? I consider myself a pretty outgoing person, and yet...again in a social media driven world, I have been really struggling to make new friends. I get up, take my kid to daycare, go to work, come home, make dinner, do bath/bedtime, feed the dog, have just enough time to watch a show with my husband, then fall asleep, and do the cycle ALL over again. I even depart from that more than many because I often do theater at night. (The details of that commitment with its own problems will have to wait for another day, another post.) I realize part of this cycle is what it is to be an adult. What it is to be a parent especially. What it is to be a human. And yet this "business endeavor" has given me that reason to talk to people I wouldn't otherwise, make a new friend, and break up the cycle. I may be a feminist, but when it comes to "girl time," my inner Barbie girl REALLY needed to visit with Stacie and Kelly. In the convex of daily world chaos, it's really easy to not do it. Make "me time" or "girl time" the last priority...and at least for my particular MLM, it's practically required! For me, that's freaking sweet! I make "goals" to have PARTIES to see my friends?! How AWESOME is that?
5. Don't worry...I'm not trying to recruit you.
I write this post not to tell you that everything is awesome in the MLM world and so I just HAD to join; but I write to tell you that it IS pretty sweet, and that what makes it pretty sweet are people. Relationship doors long closed are re-opening to me simply for having an excuse to say "How have you been?" In short, I joined an MLM to find myself and my relationships again in a world where daily responsibility makes it really easy to get lost. And through some silly products and a cutesy logo, I've been able to touch base with what Katie wants and how she interacts with this world around her. Say what you will about MLMs, but people (and even those "MLM girls") are worth taking time to look at. Thanks Perfectly Posh, for giving me a new journey and opportunity to know myself and others better, however long the journey may be...the people I'm meeting on the road are pretty freaking sweet.
1. I was desperately seeking an excuse to step outside my shell and feel I was ACTIVELY setting personal goals.
I am lazy. And I THRIVE on people helping me reach my full potential--school, weight watchers, corporate reviews, anywhere that I get feedback and feel I'm being "graded" by someone else, that is my JAM for succeeding and holding myself accountable. In my personalized business development, i.e. learning to be a good career person adult, I was really becoming stagnant. This venture (Perfectly Posh happens to be the one I'm doing for those interested) has given me a new sense of ambition. It's not just helping me make a few bucks, but I'm more conscientious about what I'm doing and where I'm going in OTHER aspects of my life...including my day job and my family life. Also, by doing this, I am finding personal satisfaction that has been missing for a long time because I set goals for ME and it's on me to achieve them or not. I'm hard pressed to think I'm the only person that has felt that way.
2. I admit...I wanted a few extra bucks. But I also wanted to re-find my passion. And I believe I have.
Full disclosure, I have never been a big fan of the MLM structure or what it seems to turn people into. There are a lot of people that take what used to be genuine friendships and turn them into "opportunities for business growth." Yuck. Do I still think this exists? Yes. But do I also think I was judging acquaintances too harshly? Absolutely. The fact is it's freaking HARD to put yourself out there. And even though I'm new, having given this a shot...I now admire these people that, just like any other job, are putting food on the table...or making a few extra bucks for a special family trip...or whatever reason they have to do what they're doing. They're putting themselves out there and TRYING. Additionally, it really is possible to just love something. Perfectly Posh is my MLM, as I mentioned, and I just happen to love lotion. That's it. I always have. And without coming off like another sales pitch this is just really good lotion. And so it's fun for me. I like it. And because it's just fun, the casual MLM environment allows me to do as much or as little as I want. And in a backwards way, this makes me more excited about it...to make whatever I do with my lotion hobby totally mine, and totally fun.
3. I wanted a break from the social media screen. Or more positive social media time, at least.
Obviously most MLMs these days live and die by the social media engagement of their "consultants," "reps," whatever you call them. So I'm NOT saying that I don't still check Facebook every day. But the difference in my interactions now is that they are more often than previously FOLLOWED UP with real life interaction. With people I like. And who doesn't want more of that? Also, "MLM girls" are not networks of stupid people. I churn inside to admit I used to believe that. But I did. And I now am ashamed about it. Because these MLMs networks are just like anywhere else on this green Earth--and it is full of dynamic, kind, interesting, and multi-faceted people I am LOVING getting to know. A few ditzy eggs? Obviously. Like ANYWHERE. And even the ditzy eggs, when you learn how to talk to them, are actually really incredible people also. And the MLM scene in general I realize isn't perfect. Like ANYTHING. So occasionally maybe a facebook post comes off just a little insincere, or that MLM friend you have sent one too many party requests. Woops. They're human. And maybe they have some things to work on as far as presentation or tactics. But in a world where 90% of social interaction happens through a screen, is someone being a little too outgoing and trying to be positive about what they're doing the WORST thing that could happen? I for one, especially given recent events, think Facebook especially could use a little more enthusiasm rather than negativity, even if it does come off cheesy.
4. I was screaming inside for female bond time.
Now, of course I value relationships far more than "the sale,"so I would NEVER want my friends to think I was always turning every conversation into a "networking opportunity." Like I said, I can't account for all MLM people out there, but I can account for me. And for me, the irony of that "sales friend" stereotype is I ultimately got into this for the exact OPPOSITE reason. My main motive is to have a reason to see my friends. Touch base with old ones. Or make new ones. Do you know how much easier it is to get to know people when you have something concrete and straightforward to talk about? I consider myself a pretty outgoing person, and yet...again in a social media driven world, I have been really struggling to make new friends. I get up, take my kid to daycare, go to work, come home, make dinner, do bath/bedtime, feed the dog, have just enough time to watch a show with my husband, then fall asleep, and do the cycle ALL over again. I even depart from that more than many because I often do theater at night. (The details of that commitment with its own problems will have to wait for another day, another post.) I realize part of this cycle is what it is to be an adult. What it is to be a parent especially. What it is to be a human. And yet this "business endeavor" has given me that reason to talk to people I wouldn't otherwise, make a new friend, and break up the cycle. I may be a feminist, but when it comes to "girl time," my inner Barbie girl REALLY needed to visit with Stacie and Kelly. In the convex of daily world chaos, it's really easy to not do it. Make "me time" or "girl time" the last priority...and at least for my particular MLM, it's practically required! For me, that's freaking sweet! I make "goals" to have PARTIES to see my friends?! How AWESOME is that?
5. Don't worry...I'm not trying to recruit you.
I write this post not to tell you that everything is awesome in the MLM world and so I just HAD to join; but I write to tell you that it IS pretty sweet, and that what makes it pretty sweet are people. Relationship doors long closed are re-opening to me simply for having an excuse to say "How have you been?" In short, I joined an MLM to find myself and my relationships again in a world where daily responsibility makes it really easy to get lost. And through some silly products and a cutesy logo, I've been able to touch base with what Katie wants and how she interacts with this world around her. Say what you will about MLMs, but people (and even those "MLM girls") are worth taking time to look at. Thanks Perfectly Posh, for giving me a new journey and opportunity to know myself and others better, however long the journey may be...the people I'm meeting on the road are pretty freaking sweet.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Lincoln
So far, I've spent quite a bit of time talking about me, Katie Sue Sullivan Porter. Struggles, joys, annoyances, okay mostly struggles (No I do not use this blog for free therapy! Or...maybe I do. :P) This is me:
(I have purpley-silver unicorn fairy hair. You're welcome.)
But today I would really like to talk about someone else. This is him:
(That older gentlemen on the bottom right is my father-in-law, Niel. He's a great person, but I will not be talking today about him--Lincoln is the OTHER him, the tiny [ish] sweet-faced one) :D
Lincoln Jacob Porter. Link for short. He will be turning two soon and he's basically the most important person in the universe. Okay, well, in my universe.
I will most likely discuss my struggles with motherhood a lot during the course of this...whatever it is, my relationship with a digital text box. But let me set the record straight here and now: my struggles as a mom are no kind of reflection on my son. My struggles as a mom, that I will most likely discuss a lot, are the downfalls of my own humanness, MY less than perfection ness; and as far as I'm concerned...as much as a two year old can be, my son is perfect.
Don't get me wrong, I don't live in some less-than-real world where he does no wrong ever, he has tantrums and fits and naughty behaviors just as any toddler does. But he is the perfect kid in that he is good, and sweet, and curious, and loving, and mine. In short, I will probably complain some...or a lot...in the course of this blogstery (that's "blog history"--I know, I'm totally a trendsetter). But know this above all else...that my complaints are about MY downfalls as a mom, or MY less-than-ideal circumstances in life, or MY "opportunities for growth" as they may be called a la corporate review.
However when it comes to this kid, this 2 year old boy that changed my life forever when he made his "to be" existence known via a $5 pee stick, (very unexpectedly, I may add--a story for another day) he is perfection. He is exactly what I never knew I wanted, and everything I needed to be the best version of myself. I am grateful for him every second of every day, even at my worst or least patient moments...I am ever aware that he is a blessing I don't deserve; and yet somehow have. I am honored to be his mom. And I love him so much some days I feel like I physically can't take it. So, to anyone reading, I'm sorry for the complaining you will hear me do and have heard all ready. But if you learn nothing else about me, I hope you know...that I believe my son is the most important person in the universe.
Here are some things about Lincoln:
*He LOVES books. Some of our most special moments are sitting together reading a book. "Baby Bathtime" was his favorite for months, now "What I Like About Me" seems to be a big hit. There is a mirror in the back of that book so it makes sense.
*Lincoln giggles all the time at his puppy named Goose. Goose is more gentle with Lincoln than anyone else and they play together just like brothers. Sometimes there's disagreements, at moments there are tears or accidental injuries, but most of the time there are giggles.
*Link obsesses over fruit snacks.
*Link's favorite t-shirt is a "Minion" shirt. Adorable and makes him laugh. Looks like this:
But today I would really like to talk about someone else. This is him:
Lincoln Jacob Porter. Link for short. He will be turning two soon and he's basically the most important person in the universe. Okay, well, in my universe.
I will most likely discuss my struggles with motherhood a lot during the course of this...whatever it is, my relationship with a digital text box. But let me set the record straight here and now: my struggles as a mom are no kind of reflection on my son. My struggles as a mom, that I will most likely discuss a lot, are the downfalls of my own humanness, MY less than perfection ness; and as far as I'm concerned...as much as a two year old can be, my son is perfect.
Don't get me wrong, I don't live in some less-than-real world where he does no wrong ever, he has tantrums and fits and naughty behaviors just as any toddler does. But he is the perfect kid in that he is good, and sweet, and curious, and loving, and mine. In short, I will probably complain some...or a lot...in the course of this blogstery (that's "blog history"--I know, I'm totally a trendsetter). But know this above all else...that my complaints are about MY downfalls as a mom, or MY less-than-ideal circumstances in life, or MY "opportunities for growth" as they may be called a la corporate review.
However when it comes to this kid, this 2 year old boy that changed my life forever when he made his "to be" existence known via a $5 pee stick, (very unexpectedly, I may add--a story for another day) he is perfection. He is exactly what I never knew I wanted, and everything I needed to be the best version of myself. I am grateful for him every second of every day, even at my worst or least patient moments...I am ever aware that he is a blessing I don't deserve; and yet somehow have. I am honored to be his mom. And I love him so much some days I feel like I physically can't take it. So, to anyone reading, I'm sorry for the complaining you will hear me do and have heard all ready. But if you learn nothing else about me, I hope you know...that I believe my son is the most important person in the universe.
Here are some things about Lincoln:
*He LOVES books. Some of our most special moments are sitting together reading a book. "Baby Bathtime" was his favorite for months, now "What I Like About Me" seems to be a big hit. There is a mirror in the back of that book so it makes sense.
*Lincoln giggles all the time at his puppy named Goose. Goose is more gentle with Lincoln than anyone else and they play together just like brothers. Sometimes there's disagreements, at moments there are tears or accidental injuries, but most of the time there are giggles.
*Link obsesses over fruit snacks.
*Link's favorite t-shirt is a "Minion" shirt. Adorable and makes him laugh. Looks like this:
*Lincoln's favorite person in the world is his dad, Jake. Second favorite person in the world is MY dad, Bumpa Slim.
*He is SO good at saying "No." Other current favorite words / phrases are: "I didn't do it," "Hi," "Shoes," "Dog," and "Mom."
*We are working with him on talking as he's a teensy bit behind verbally. But nothing we are too stressed about--Kids on the Move are helping us.
*He is SO good at climbing. And stairs. And slides. And throwing balls.
*He loves his buddies Will Kalmar and Jacob Squire. He thinks he's one of the guys when they come over.
*Link's favorite shows are: Daniel Tiger, Magic School Bus, and Steven
Universe. Even mom can get behind this kind of TV--they are so fun!
*Playing with his cousin Brady is a big highlight for Link. He also has been becoming better friends with Patrick, Brady's brother. Lincoln and Patrick did not used to like one another, but they have come a long way!
*Lincoln is like a lot of kids and is OBSESSED with electronics. Mom's phone and iPad are BIG hits. Mom is okay with it when iPad is time Lincoln spends WITH mom. This is when we cuddle and talk about things. It worries mom though that he loves them SO much...
*Link is a big kid for his age. Probably always will be! But he's proportionate and usually is willing to try any new foods. So we play at the park (we have one across the street!) and run in the yard to stay healthy as a family together.
*He loves music and loves to dance. Beyonce has been a favorite literally since he was in the womb. (He kicked my tummy a LOT in pregnancy whenever a Beyonce song was on--atta boy!) #teachinemyoung
*Lincoln is a sweet boy with a lot of personality. He can be very mischievous and sneaky too. Like when he snitches mom's phone out of her pocket or purse.
*Lincoln is the most important person in the universe! To his mom. :P
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
#WorkingMommyProbs
#WorkingMommyProbs:
*Pumping at work (not gas) - where the hell? BATHROOM? (Yuck)
*Breast milk in company fridge...you're welcome everybody.
*Needing to take more sick days than daddy because you REALLY want to take care of your kids when they don't feel good. This only goes over so-so to your boss.
*Being late...because of pregnant. And because of puking.
*Having a meeting with ALL men. "Nope, not intimidating at all to be the only vagina in the room! Yep I can definitely contribute a lot to the football conversation!"
*Having a full day of meetings...and you're the only female in each meeting ALL day.
*Have a meeting with all men...they go to lunch afterward (probably on the company's dime)...and for some reason you're not invited.
*For some reason being expected to be note taker at a meeting of all men.
*When do people do laundry? Heaven forbid after what feels like ditching my kid for 8 hours I want to just play with them when I get home! And...maybe relax with my husband after bedtime? Insanity.
*After-work play time is really not as much "play" as you would like... because of baths. And dinner. And homework. And squeezed in life lessons.
*Feeling guilty about night time adult time, i.e. dinner with friends, movies with hubby, etc. because you spent all day away from your babies. But, at the same time...sanity requires adult play time too.
*Just working mom guilt period.
*Contemplating changing life to stay-at-home mommy status. And then contemplating the family budget without your income. *PANIC*
*Thoughtful childcare providers that text photos of your sweet ones mid-day...and then the inevitable jealousy that follows.
*Wondering if corporate life is worth it...until your boss gives you the shot in the arm you needed with, "What would I do without Katie?"
*Wondering if you're the mom you want to be without spending all hours at home with your kids...until they give you the kiss and snuggle at nighttime that says, "I'm glad we have this time together, mom. I love YOU."
Monday, October 5, 2015
Mom vs. Mother
There is certain terminology that has become...over decades of use, manipulation, abuse, praise, or idolization...altered in their meaning. Words that once were harmless or inconsequential can now be used as weaponry; and some words that were once greatly influential or robust now may float around us commonplace.
For me, two terms that have been altered in this way are "Mom" and "Mother." While I reserve the right to change it at any time, as I'm fickle like that, my current working title for this blog is "More than a Mom, Less than a Mother." I'll explain what this means to me.
I would never belittle the job it is to be a mom. I always want my son Lincoln (he's two) to know without any question that the person I care about most in this world is him. I may love my husband the most, as that partnership is the most important partnership in my life (more about that another time), but I "care" as in "take care of" my son Lincoln absolutely first. Most of the time Jake (my hubby) can take care of himself--he's an adult after all. But by design, I am to care for Lincoln first and foremost in his first 18 years of life. Clothing, shelter, food, education, love, life lessons, play, hard work, God....this is just the tip of the iceberg that it is to be a mom.
All this said, for me, being a mom is not the ONLY thing I can be. For my own sanity, and for the sake of reaching my individual full potential, it is not the only thing I am. Personally, I NEED to recognize the other things that we as women are. To keep in touch with me, Katie Porter, I NEED to recognize the other things that I as a person am. For me, I am not JUST a mom. I'm also a woman, a stage manager, a wife, a Verizon advertising coordinator, a sister, a singer, an HGTV enthusiast, a church member, a daughter, a Posh consultant, an actress, a friend, a dog owner...the list goes on and on. I am more than just a mom. And there are times when Lincoln's immediate needs have to be put on pause so I can focus on another hat that I wear.
This is not a matter of prioritization or balance; it's a matter of FOCUS. This I could write another 500 words on and probably will at some point. But to summarize, I'll give an example: for these two hours, from 3-5 pm, I am FOCUSED on being a Posh consultant, when I am done at 5 pm (firm start and end deadlines) I will be FOCUSED on playing with Lincoln and being a mom. That time frame from 3-5 pm, Lincoln will either need to be with someone else, napping, or willing to have patience and wait 5 minutes for his fruit snack.
This is not about the argument of working at home versus not. I happen to work as that is the financial situation that works for my husband and I; and frankly I like it--I happen to have a personality that thrives on being a working parent. But this is just as true for my stay-at-home sisters out there. I hope you know you're more than a mom.
Sorry about the slight tangents, I just feel I have so much to share as I haven't written in ages. Back on topic, how does being "more than a mom" compare to being "less than a mother?" Mother. For me, this word is the term that has been put on many pedestals throughout history and continues to be idolized in a way that gives me some pretty intense anxiety. In my view, it can be downright dangerous the way this word is sanctified. The miracle of motherhood, the gift of childbirth, the wonder of adoption, the saintly god-like phenomenon it is to be a MOTHER. It certainly sounds intimidating, doesn't it?
In my life, I can think of only 2 or 3 individuals I've known that I would categorize as a true "mother." Perhaps this is personal psychological barrier, or some other subconscious silliness--yes, I'm sure Freud would have a field day. But regardless, you know what those individuals I considered a real "mother" were like? Frankly, they were some of the most connected to God people I've met. Their patience was unmatched by most, and they have a way of setting the record straight and putting you on the correct path before you even realize how much you've strayed. They're compasses always facing a solid due north of right vs. wrong and pillars of strength and will. For me, that was the definition of a mother.
Being a mom is the day-to-day existence of raising children as a woman. The in and out feeding and caring and teaching and clothing. I can do that part (so far). Being a mother is really more of a state of being. A state of patience, love, and gentle direction that can only be achieved with intense prayer or years of practice. (Probably both) Well, that certainly isn't me. I really really don't feel like I'm there yet. I'd like to work on myself and aim for it. I'd like to live up to the word "mother" in all its historical ideological sanctity, as intimidating and perhaps over-zealous as it may be. But I'm still less than this. I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go. Heck, I may be dead before I really ever achieve "mother"-ly status. But I am a mom. And I'm figuring out how to do that best I can. So for now, I can live with being more than a mom, but LESS than a mother.
For me, two terms that have been altered in this way are "Mom" and "Mother." While I reserve the right to change it at any time, as I'm fickle like that, my current working title for this blog is "More than a Mom, Less than a Mother." I'll explain what this means to me.
I would never belittle the job it is to be a mom. I always want my son Lincoln (he's two) to know without any question that the person I care about most in this world is him. I may love my husband the most, as that partnership is the most important partnership in my life (more about that another time), but I "care" as in "take care of" my son Lincoln absolutely first. Most of the time Jake (my hubby) can take care of himself--he's an adult after all. But by design, I am to care for Lincoln first and foremost in his first 18 years of life. Clothing, shelter, food, education, love, life lessons, play, hard work, God....this is just the tip of the iceberg that it is to be a mom.
All this said, for me, being a mom is not the ONLY thing I can be. For my own sanity, and for the sake of reaching my individual full potential, it is not the only thing I am. Personally, I NEED to recognize the other things that we as women are. To keep in touch with me, Katie Porter, I NEED to recognize the other things that I as a person am. For me, I am not JUST a mom. I'm also a woman, a stage manager, a wife, a Verizon advertising coordinator, a sister, a singer, an HGTV enthusiast, a church member, a daughter, a Posh consultant, an actress, a friend, a dog owner...the list goes on and on. I am more than just a mom. And there are times when Lincoln's immediate needs have to be put on pause so I can focus on another hat that I wear.
This is not a matter of prioritization or balance; it's a matter of FOCUS. This I could write another 500 words on and probably will at some point. But to summarize, I'll give an example: for these two hours, from 3-5 pm, I am FOCUSED on being a Posh consultant, when I am done at 5 pm (firm start and end deadlines) I will be FOCUSED on playing with Lincoln and being a mom. That time frame from 3-5 pm, Lincoln will either need to be with someone else, napping, or willing to have patience and wait 5 minutes for his fruit snack.
This is not about the argument of working at home versus not. I happen to work as that is the financial situation that works for my husband and I; and frankly I like it--I happen to have a personality that thrives on being a working parent. But this is just as true for my stay-at-home sisters out there. I hope you know you're more than a mom.
Sorry about the slight tangents, I just feel I have so much to share as I haven't written in ages. Back on topic, how does being "more than a mom" compare to being "less than a mother?" Mother. For me, this word is the term that has been put on many pedestals throughout history and continues to be idolized in a way that gives me some pretty intense anxiety. In my view, it can be downright dangerous the way this word is sanctified. The miracle of motherhood, the gift of childbirth, the wonder of adoption, the saintly god-like phenomenon it is to be a MOTHER. It certainly sounds intimidating, doesn't it?
In my life, I can think of only 2 or 3 individuals I've known that I would categorize as a true "mother." Perhaps this is personal psychological barrier, or some other subconscious silliness--yes, I'm sure Freud would have a field day. But regardless, you know what those individuals I considered a real "mother" were like? Frankly, they were some of the most connected to God people I've met. Their patience was unmatched by most, and they have a way of setting the record straight and putting you on the correct path before you even realize how much you've strayed. They're compasses always facing a solid due north of right vs. wrong and pillars of strength and will. For me, that was the definition of a mother.
Being a mom is the day-to-day existence of raising children as a woman. The in and out feeding and caring and teaching and clothing. I can do that part (so far). Being a mother is really more of a state of being. A state of patience, love, and gentle direction that can only be achieved with intense prayer or years of practice. (Probably both) Well, that certainly isn't me. I really really don't feel like I'm there yet. I'd like to work on myself and aim for it. I'd like to live up to the word "mother" in all its historical ideological sanctity, as intimidating and perhaps over-zealous as it may be. But I'm still less than this. I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go. Heck, I may be dead before I really ever achieve "mother"-ly status. But I am a mom. And I'm figuring out how to do that best I can. So for now, I can live with being more than a mom, but LESS than a mother.
Friday, September 18, 2015
The Secret About the Jones's
They don't know what the hell they're doing either. None of us have a how-to guide.
Don't make a Bible joke. Don't...do it. Resist! Because seriously Moses was winging it half the time too. And so was Captain Moroni, mo-mo friends.
So seriously, the Jones's don't know what the hell is going on and deserve to be cut a break too.
That said, the Jones's are still kind of dicks. And I can't keep up with them. And I'm tired of trying. And I'm tired of feeling like I suck because I can't keep up. So with that... you win, Jones's. You win.
And as your reward, I made you this cake:
Now I'm going to the nut shop where its FUN.
Don't make a Bible joke. Don't...do it. Resist! Because seriously Moses was winging it half the time too. And so was Captain Moroni, mo-mo friends.
So seriously, the Jones's don't know what the hell is going on and deserve to be cut a break too.
That said, the Jones's are still kind of dicks. And I can't keep up with them. And I'm tired of trying. And I'm tired of feeling like I suck because I can't keep up. So with that... you win, Jones's. You win.
And as your reward, I made you this cake:
Now I'm going to the nut shop where its FUN.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
I Can Say Hard Things
Dear Self,
I can say hard things. I can do hard things. I can achieve whatever I want, I can be whoever I want. I have that freedom and that blessing and that right. YOU have that right. We do. So why do you and I choose to be silent? Why do we choose to be defeated by life's obstacles? Enough of that! Move on and up! March forward! And as our friend Walt says, just "Keep moving forward!" You got this, girl. WE got this. See you at the finish line.
Love, Me
I wrote this letter to myself in response to a lot of life challenges. It was really a personal anti-depression siren that I ring when I'm not sure why the hell I feel a little low or sorry for myself. I somehow always seem to pull myself up by my bootstraps and figure out solutions to whatever scenario I'm in. The challenges I have faced are yet to defeat me, so I need self-talks like this one just to snap myself back to get-over-yourself ville. We all have heard "I can do hard things." A solid saying. A great mantra for self-motivation and empowerment. I use it often and 100% agree. We all are completely capable of doing hard things.
That said, life can really suck too. There are a LOT of hard things. And as a good friend recently put it, some people don't even have any freaking "boot straps" to pull themselves up by in the first place. So is my attitude entitled? Is my belief that I can be whatever I want just...indulgence? To a point, maybe. I would like to live in a world where that truly was true for everyone. In an ideological sense, I don't THINK I'm just self-obsessed because I really would like EVERYONE to be able to be what they want, and live where they want, and do what they want. So long as it isn't hurting anyone else. I think we're army crawling toward this idyllic existence--every generation a few steps better than the last. And yet, when 3 year olds are drowning on Grecian beaches and trans teens are committing suicide in Kansas and black churchgoers are maliciously shot, its hard to believe that anyone can really just be what they want to be.
As far as circumstance, I won some kind of situation lottery where I'm American, white, relatively upper middle class (if that's even still a thing), educated, Christian. None of this I'm necessarily proud of as I didn't build it or create it, I just happen to be it. I'm not ashamed persay, but pride denotes a sense of ownership to me...a sense of "Look! I did this! Neat, huh?" and I didn't necessarily "do" any of these so much as I was just lucky--and dropped into a circumstance where I am these things. Regardless, demographically, my exterior checks a lot of "life is friggin sweet and easy" boxes. I mean, I have a dishwasher.
All this said, I can do hard things. And my life is pretty friggin sweet compared to a lot of peoples', but...I still do hard things a lot too. And I need to cut myself a break about that. Frankly we all need to cut ourselves a break about that. So if you want to keep reading my inconsequential personal musings, just know that I'll probably talk about hard things I do, or want to do, or don't know how to do. This does not mean that I don't get it...I know, I have a dishwasher. So cut me a break. And cut yourself one too.
P.S. I created a new blog as I needed a greater representation of who I am NOW. Any curiosity in who I once was you can see my now ancient history blog, here. Thanks.
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