Mom vs. Mother

There is certain terminology that has become...over decades of use, manipulation, abuse, praise, or idolization...altered in their meaning.  Words that once were harmless or inconsequential can now be used as weaponry; and some words that were once greatly influential or robust now may float around us commonplace.

For me, two terms that have been altered in this way are "Mom" and "Mother."  While I reserve the right to change it at any time, as I'm fickle like that, my current working title for this blog is "More than a Mom, Less than a Mother."  I'll explain what this means to me.

I would never belittle the job it is to be a mom.  I always want my son Lincoln (he's two) to know without any question that the person I care about most in this world is him.  I may love my husband the most, as that partnership is the most important partnership in my life (more about that another time), but I "care" as in "take care of" my son Lincoln absolutely first.  Most of the time Jake (my hubby) can take care of himself--he's an adult after all.  But by design, I am to care for Lincoln first and foremost in his first 18 years of life.  Clothing, shelter, food, education, love, life lessons, play, hard work, God....this is just the tip of the iceberg that it is to be a mom.

All this said, for me, being a mom is not the ONLY thing I can be.  For my own sanity, and for the sake of reaching my individual full potential, it is not the only thing I am.  Personally, I NEED to recognize the other things that we as women are.  To keep in touch with me, Katie Porter, I NEED to recognize the other things that I as a person am.  For me, I am not JUST a mom.  I'm also a woman, a stage manager, a wife, a Verizon advertising coordinator, a sister, a singer, an HGTV enthusiast, a church member, a daughter, a Posh consultant, an actress, a friend, a dog owner...the list goes on and on.  I am more than just a mom.  And there are times when Lincoln's immediate needs have to be put on pause so I can focus on another hat that I wear.

This is not a matter of prioritization or balance; it's a matter of FOCUS.  This I could write another 500 words on and probably will at some point.  But to summarize, I'll give an example: for these two hours, from 3-5 pm, I am FOCUSED on being a Posh consultant, when I am done at 5 pm (firm start and end deadlines) I will be FOCUSED on playing with Lincoln and being a mom.  That time frame from 3-5 pm, Lincoln will either need to be with someone else, napping, or willing to have patience and wait 5 minutes for his fruit snack.

This is not about the argument of working at home versus not.  I happen to work as that is the financial situation that works for my husband and I; and frankly I like it--I happen to have a personality that thrives on being a working parent.  But this is just as true for my stay-at-home sisters out there.  I hope you know you're more than a mom.

Sorry about the slight tangents, I just feel I have so much to share as I haven't written in ages.  Back on topic, how does being "more than a mom" compare to being "less than a mother?"  Mother.  For me, this word is the term that has been put on many pedestals throughout history and continues to be idolized in a way that gives me some pretty intense anxiety.  In my view, it can be downright dangerous the way this word is sanctified.  The miracle of motherhood, the gift of childbirth, the wonder of adoption, the saintly god-like phenomenon it is to be a MOTHER.  It certainly sounds intimidating, doesn't it?

In my life, I can think of only 2 or 3 individuals I've known that I would categorize as a true "mother."  Perhaps this is personal psychological barrier, or some other subconscious silliness--yes, I'm sure Freud would have a field day.  But regardless, you know what those individuals I considered a real "mother" were like?  Frankly, they were some of the most connected to God people I've met.  Their patience was unmatched by most, and they have a way of setting the record straight and putting you on the correct path before you even realize how much you've strayed.  They're compasses always facing a solid due north of right vs. wrong and pillars of strength and will.  For me, that was the definition of a mother.

Being a mom is the day-to-day existence of raising children as a woman.  The in and out feeding and caring and teaching and clothing.  I can do that part (so far).  Being a mother is really more of a state of being.  A state of patience, love, and gentle direction that can only be achieved with intense prayer or years of practice.  (Probably both)  Well, that certainly isn't me.  I really really don't feel like I'm there yet.  I'd like to work on myself and aim for it.  I'd like to live up to the word "mother" in all its historical ideological sanctity, as intimidating and perhaps over-zealous as it may be.  But I'm still less than this.  I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go.  Heck, I may be dead before I really ever achieve "mother"-ly status.  But I am a mom.  And I'm figuring out how to do that best I can.  So for now, I can live with being more than a mom, but LESS than a mother.